Blade Runner and Akira and me getting into the Sci-Fi and Cyberpunk Genre

Sci-Fi is a New found interest of mine. Before 2023, I was not really big on movies and anime, but then 2023 happened and everything changed(see my first post I did on here about Terminator). That's when I started to love movies, anime, and Sci-Fi more than ever. Cyberpunk has been the main genre that I been interested in. I love that high tech yet dirty feel of it. The glowing lights contrast to what is actually happening. The promise of a utopia drowned by a dystopian. The horrors of it. The hatred of it. How people normally live in it. And how control can't be maintained. I'm not going to talk about the game because I have not played it yet, and not the anime made by Studio Trigger.

Blade Runner is an interesting film in it self. Adapted from a novel. The Film follows Rick Deckard as he is assigned to a task to hunt down replicants. It's a fairly simple plot at first, but then you watch the movie and actually see some of the other details. I won't spoil you the film, but "Tears in the Rain" is a great quote. Blade Runner, the title, is the role of the people in this universe who hunt down these machines. This film along with BR 2029 are probably my favorite movies of all time. This Film is more on the Sci-Fi side than cyberpunk, but it's a benchmark for the cyberpunk genre.

Akira is a 1988 Anime about Tokyo after World War 3 in a state of gang wars. On a night of a violent gang war, a young boy named Tetsuo crashes into a boy with a face of an old man who is running from the Government. Soon Tetsuo begins to experience an awakening in him of psychic powers. It's a great film and it has the best animation for anime I have ever seen. The details, the way things move, it's so good. Also I don't want to spoil if you have not watched it yet. This goes into the gang side at the beginning, but then goes more political as the film progresses.

Both of movies are Cyberpunks, but I feel like I need that ich scratched more. That said, I only been fan of this genre ever since 2024, so I should probably explore more. I thank these two films for giving me the interest in this genre.
Also I'm tired from school today, so thats why this one was more shorter than expected :).

I don't have a good mental health and I blame it on myself and the world

Being a teenager means a number of things. You are more exploring the world, you start to truly become your own person. Yeah, and you're edgy too. But I feel like also that your lied to as a child about being a teenager. When your at a young age, the world is so fun and bright. No War, No Politics, No Rape, No Hate, No sadness. But then your perfect world is all of a sudden tip. My parents are divorce. I was pretty young when me and my brothers were switching from mom and to dad to mom to dad often. Not only that, but we had to deal with my Dad's second wife, who had two children. One of them was actually okay, but the youngest kinda fueled my hatred for Babies at 7 years old(Being 7 and hating babies all of a sudden is very strange to me once I think about it more). Then one night in 2017, I got mad at my Dad and yelled at him. Even if I was still pretty young, I do remember his face being pretty hollow. Like he gave up on parenting. That was the last time I saw him. I don't remember what happened next. I don't want to get too much into my dad, but he was a very bad dad and a mix person. He yells a lot at us, and has very unfair rules, like making me and my brothers sleep at 5 pm, while the other two children(including the baby) went to bed at 9 pm. He also would not allow us to eat anything besides Pop corn at the movie theater. That's not all, but he also threatens us too. But really, I don't want to go too much into detail. But anyways, you read the title and yes, I have the worst mental health right now. My High School experiences have not been that great. I'm talking about work, I'm talking about the social life. It feels like half of the time in my days, I'm ignored. I try to make friends, and when I do, it's just a false hope. They will say hi, but don't full on talk to me. I do have my childhood friend who I feel safe all the time talking to, and I want to protect them. This all goes to the deep point of it all. Love. I want love as much as the next virgin. But it has been ruined due to one girl. A girl who I talk to, yet seems to still hide her true feelings about me. I talk and talk and nothing. She broke my heart. When I said my true feelings, she did not say anything. Not even rejected me. I forget that she actually was the one to talk to me. That she was the one to express interest in me! She just left without any reasons. Even If I want to be her friend. I blame myself for this. I feel like I am multiple people in one body! I hate myself, it is not my fault, I want to die, I want to live, I want to be alone, I want to be with someone. Sex is not a good feeling! It's an horrible thing! Love is a bad thing! I hate it all! The world! My Self! I hate being a Boy, I don't want to be a girl, I don't want to be trans. I'm pathetic, and terrible! I hate it all! All of myself! I hate my autism! Kill it! Fuck it! Burn it! I HATE MY MIND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................................Sometimes I wonder who I'm truly am. I wonder if someone out there will find me. I wonder if I will lay in someone's arms under a sky so nostalgic. I wonder what will I be. I wonder as my life will soon progress. How far can I go? HOW FAR CAN I GO? Under a sky so nostalgic, so blue. The school's band is the best thing that ever happened to me. The people are so welcoming, and they are really good people. I care about all of them. My childhood friend is in there too. If something happens to them due to the violent future I believe this world is heading to, I would not hesitate to make a stand. When I become an adult, I will truly begin my journey that I been preparing for. I don't know what it will be like, but I will have to be ready for when the time for me to change the world begin, even If I inspire only a few, I will still be happy. I won't die, no matter what my mind says, because, I know that there is more in my life, this is just the beginning, and if I die, it's okay as long as I have inspired. Because that's what I will try to achieve. I want a world of peace, no race problems, sexist ideas, and no hatred. I know that will never happen, but I think we should all try to have it close to that. I believe that no matter what type person, race,sex, ect,should have the freedom. No one is better or worst. That the type of world I want to fight for, and when I have the right time, I will. Thanks for reading this post, it means a lot when someones reads these post, really it does.